Single parents of autistic children

Hi, my name is Amanda and I am the mother of Kaleb, my 5 year old son who is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum disorder. With all of the uncertanties and causes for concern of what has been the cause of children developing autism, I have been riddled with guilt. I work in the world of human services and have 15 years of experience working with disabilities of a variety of ranges. I have worked directly with families and never understood why they felt guilty. Why they would ask "what did we do wrong"? I never understood why the parent of such a beautiful exceptional special individual could wonder what they did to cause their child to be different or disabled. Now being the mother of a son with Autism, I know. I have read all of the articles on the causes or breakthroughs in Autism and it's research. From listening to doctor's telling me the theory of the "Refrigerator Mother" (The theory that I did not provide my child with the love and affection he needed as an infant, I did not hold him or show love as much as I should have) to the theory that Autism is caused by medications that may have been taken during pregnancy or chemicals in the environment that I may have exposed my child to. This runs through my head everyday when I watch Kaleb with other "normal functioning" children and he goes off by himself or starts screaming because he can not take all of the stimuli. This runs through my head when I am walking through the grocery store with my 5 year old in the shopping cart, rocking and making repetitive noises as if this is an annoyance or an inconvenience to them. In all reality, I believe their is no such thing as a disability. I believe that no one has the rite to judge what normal looks like or should be. Is there any proof that "we" who define normal, are the "norm". My child is gifted, he has talents as any other child and challenges as any other child. I should not feel guilty, but in reality, I will always have that lurking feeling of "what could I have done differently?". I am new at this parent role in the world of developmental disabilities. It has really been an amazing experience and will continue to be. I have been blessed with 2 healthy children, one of whom, happens to meet the criteria for a disability labeled as Autism Spectrum Disorder.